Obama / Biden or McCain / Palin? What a choice! I can think of others I would like to have the chance to actually cast my ballot FOR this year, but such is not the case. But what if I could choose my ideal candidate?
I can't say who I would choose, but I can say what I would like him or her to represent. Or at least, I can let an email suggestion do it for me.
This email forward's been floating around for a while. Some attribute it to Bill Cosby, some to George Carlin, but the truth is no one knows who actually wrote the words. But I sure do wish some candidate for national office would have the following planks in his platform:
(1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (for a six-month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The President nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes & steroids - The FIRST time you test positive you're banned for life.
( 8 Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand (and so forth). There is no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc..
(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause. (Shumer's note: we do this pretty well already, don't we? Yea, and amen.)
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (Shumer's note: including, "In God we trust.")
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
I could live with those suggestions. Could you?
I would be proud to vote for this candidate. Wouldn't you?
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